While you may think of having sex in a car as something that only teenagers do because they often don’t really have any other options, it’s not like they get to corner the market on it. Honestly, even if you have a place to go where mom and dad don’t reside, it doesn’t mean that car sex should suddenly be stripped from your repertoire of places to get it on with your partner. Having sex in the car is always fun, no matter your age. And if you’ve never done it, then you should put it on your list.
Everyone should have sex in a car at least once, the same way everyone should have sex in the ocean, in an airplane bathroom, and in an elevator at least once. Studies have found that when it comes to the most common fantasies for women, both an “unusual place” and a “romantic location” top the list. And doesn’t sex in a car fit both those bills? Yes … well, pretty much.
But if you’re going to have sex in the car (especially if you’re a newbie to it), there are things you need to consider before you jump into it. It’s not just about the positions that work best for car sex, but the logistics of the whole thing, too. So before you and your partner swing your car around to the back of Target to get it on, here are nine things you should know first.
1. Cars Are For Quickies Only
No one should go into car sex thinking it’s going to be some long, drawn-out lovemaking session that will include at least a good 40 minutes of foreplay. Cars are for quickies on your lunch break or, for those of you still living with mom and dad, a speedy bang before getting dropped off back home.
2. You Really Only Have Two Possible Options For Sex Spots In The Car
Unless you think you’re in some ridiculous ‘80s music video in which having sex on the hood of a car while doused in five gallons of Aqua-Net hairspray seems totally legit, you really only have the passenger seat and/or the back seat to have sex.
For passenger seat action, you’ll need to recline the seat a bit and hope you don’t ram your leg into the side of the door or that annoying thing that locks the seat belt in place. From here, cowgirl position, either regular or reverse, is your best bet.
For backseat action, you can lay down a bit more, but unless you’re my height (about five feet tall), then one of you will probably be straddling the other while sitting not quite upright; there’s just no space for lying down. Of course, there’s always the option of giving oral sex to your partner while they sit in the driver’s seat, but when it comes to penetrative sex, trying to get it on in that seat isn’t going to be easy. In fact, the car horn will be accidentally beeped so many times that you’ll just draw attention to yourself.
3. Leg Cramps Are Inevitable
Well, any position where you can’t total stretch out your legs is liable to cramp up something. And car sex is pretty much the exact recipe for a Charley horse (or five).
4. You Definitely Want To Crack Open A Window
Did you see Titanic? Remember their car sex scene? It was steamy and hot as hell, which of course, can be really sexy and add to the mystery of what’s going on in the car. But you also have to consider that steamy windows are a dead giveaway that something is up, and if you have a Nosy Nancy killjoy walking by, she might call the fuzz on you. Nosy Nancy killjoy doesn’t want anyone to have any fun.
5. Leather Seats Aren’t Going To Feel Nice On Your Skin
Let’s put it this way: Carpet burns are nothing after you’ve had to rip your moist and sticky skin off a leather or vinyl seat in a car. Leather also doesn’t allow for much slip and sliding, so this is where that whole thing you learned in Girl Scouts about having a blanket in the trunk of your car at all times comes in handy.
6. IF YOU RELY ON THE RADIO, THE MOOD COULD BE KILLED
Although I highly doubt anyone would go into car sex without putting on some specific music, you never really know what could pop up on the radio, even on your favorite station. So if you’re thinking of risking it, just don’t. You may start getting it on to something really hot, then realize you’re about to orgasm while Elton John’s “Circle of Life” is playing in the background. No good.
7. YOU REALLY NEED TO PARK SOMEPLACE SUPER PRIVATE
While I don’t want to put a damper on your dreams to have sex in a car, you definitely want to choose a place that’s very well hidden, and, ideally, to do it at night. Why? Well, other than the possible embarrassment factor of getting caught, having sex in public is against the law.
Although the laws differ from state to state, getting caught having sex in public is usually considered a misdemeanor, and can include being regarded as a a lewd act or indecent exposure. In some cases, especially if kids happen to stumble across your tryst, it may even result in you having to register as a sex offender, and thanks to Law & Order: SVU, we know that being a sex offender messes up your life for a long time. Sure, your sex in your car is a far cry from what other sex offenders may have done, but you’re still lumped into the same category.
8. YOU’RE TOTALLY GOING TO SMELL LIKE SEX RIGHT AFTERWARD
Sex has a pretty potent smell, and that smell lingers. If you don’t crack a window or air yourselves out, you’re going to stink like sex for a bit, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But depending on what you have planned after your romp in the car, it could be awkward for those who have to deal with smelling you. No one wants to a waitress waiting on them who smells like sex.
9. IT MIGHT NOT BE AS FUN AS WHEN YOU WERE A TEENAGER
When you’re a teenager, everything is fun and new. This isn’t to say that having sex in a car is going to be a total drag and/or a waste of your time, but it’s going to be a different kind of fun. So definitely don’t go into it expecting to feel like you’re 17 years old all over again. In fact, if anything, once you get in that back seat and realize you can’t move like you used to, you’ll probably feel older than younger ― which is still fun! But, as I said, in a completely different way.