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Dennis knew that his love for Megan and hers for him was more important than her number of sexual partners. So he set it aside when he heard about it. But after a few years of marriage it came up again. He wanted to know more.
Megan had always found that the best way to mitigate the jealousy and anxiety of men who found her intimidating was to be delicately honest. The reaction wasn’t always positive but it was still better than a stream of lies and half-truths which then become a permanent part of the narrative. If men sense that you are obfuscating their minds simply leap to the worst possible conclusions. And once you have admitted to fucking 65 guys it just isn’t plausible to say “oh but you are the only one I enjoyed.”
In time he came to understand that she had desire for other men. She made it clear that she regarded that as natural and would not act on those desires. Yes, monogamy is a sacrifice of sorts but one that she made willingly and wouldn’t change.
Every married guy still looks at attractive women and thinks about them sexually. Most know that doesn’t mean anything negative about their feelings towards their wife. And deep down most know that their wife feels the same way about other men. But a lot simply can’t quite reconcile themselves to that reality. Some guys deny it. Others wallow in it and keep coming back to it like moths to a flame. Dennis was such a man.
He started to obsess over her past sexual activity. In time he couldn’t distinguish Megan’s honest statement of desire from a driving lust for other men. He went from feeling negative and jealous to wondering what the other men were like to wanting her to be with another man. If she had such desire surely he was holding her back? Or perhaps if he saw it himself he could finally get settled with it?
He just couldn’t leave it alone. Nor could he pretend it wasn’t true. His perception of her became rooted in the knowledge of this past rather than the devoted and lovely wife of the present. He felt compelled to explore her sexuality further. It wasn’t even clear to Dennis whether he really wanted his wife to be with another man or if it was a matter of facing his own fearful awareness of his wife’s sexuality. But he couldn’t let it go.
As their discussion expanded Dennis started asking more and more about her past lovers. For a while it seemed like a bit of kinky exploration and she enjoyed it. But soon he started pushing to bring another partner into their sex lives At first she assumed he was angling for another woman. When it became clear that he wanted to see her with another man she was apprehensive. While the thought was titillating she wasn’t sure if he was really in a healthy place to experience such a thing. Was this the mature exploration of a strong and confident man or was jealousy and insecurity over her past sexual experience seeping into their relationship? She couldn’t turn back on what she had shared with him and she wanted to sort through it so she made the mistake of letting him take the lead.
At his behest they tried swingers clubs. Soon it became clear that he rarely ever interacted with other women and she had limited interest in the men. There seemed little point in going except for him to watch her get fucked…which might have been ok except that he seemed oblivious to the fact that she wasn’t really enjoying herself.
When she put a stop to the swingers club visits he picked up on the stereotypical fantasy of picking up a guy in a hotel bar. She wasn’t keen but he kept at it so she agreed.
The first time didn’t go well. The man was one that she would not normally choose but there were a lack of good alternatives – it was a half empty bar at a mediocre hotel – and she was half hoping Dennis would get this out of his system if she just went ahead. She told the man she was married and her husband wanted to watch. He was a poor lover and she felt dirty for having fucked him. She told this to Dennis hoping that would dissuade him but he convinced her to give it another try. Again it was a mediocre and uninspiring experience for Megan, but Dennis loved it.
Over the next two months or so he continued to push and Megan got more frustrated. He was not a strong and confident man looking to explore their sexuality together. He was a voyeur, detaching from her, paying no attention to her happiness and enjoying the very experiences that made her feel dirty and negative.
She realized that she never should have let Dennis take the lead. Love had blinded her to reality. And now her own diminishing regard for her husband was the biggest threat to their marriage. She needed to cease all sexual activity with outside partners or seize control of that activity. If she put a stop to it altogether Dennis’s urges would be unresolved and their love and sex life would continue to suffer. If she took control she could show him what female sexuality is really about and possibly re-direct him. Neither was a great option, but ultimately she felt like the end result might be better if she taught him a lesson.
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